Okay first, I would like to say sorry because it’s been a long time i’m not write anything in this old blog. There are several reasons actually. First, I have lots of things to share but I’m too lazy to put it on a text. Second, I’m busy with my college. Third, I’m broke (means that I can’t buy any credit to post, well actually I have some credits but I always use it to other things besides blogging). That’s it.
Okay that’s not really important to share. Well this time I’m going to share my feelings with you guys. Wait, but this is not about love okay hahaha :D. This is about my minds in the deep, #eaaaaaaa. It’s been twice in my life that I felt this, okay not twiice, but its always happen no matter the time is. The first time I felt this is i dont know when. But, okay I think i cannot describe this feeling. It’s hard to tell.
Okay I’m trying now.
I always feel that I’m not me, you know I mean there is other soul inside my body, and the soul is trying to kill me with I dont know what is that but it’s bad. No, its worst. When i feel this, i feel so lazy to do anything, eat, pray, study, talk, i mean i just can lay in the bed and just look up to the top with an empty mind. Sometimes, i feel like I’m losing my mind for a second. Okay, just make it simple thing to explain. Humm maybe there is only one word that can explain my feeling. That is ALONE. Hahaha its sounds like i’m so lonely :D but trust me, it’s not what I mean. I have many friends and close friends, I also always get new friends whether from socmed or in a reality. I have many cousins too that i usually play with them. I have my favorite Korean drama to watch when i dont know what should i do in a mean time.
At first, i thought that’s because of there are many jins in my room and when I put some pictures on the wall like my photos with my friend or something like that, i feel like the pictures is looking at me. Then I take them off from my room except Pict of mine and i hide it. Then, i’m trying to make my room always be blessed by God with pray, reciting a Qur’an and so on. But i think that, these Jins are stronger than my soul. Sometimes i talk to them even though i cannot see them or hear them. But i always feel that I’m not alone in my room. This is crazy, isnt it? :D
Even, once when I’m sleeping, I feel that someone breath on my left ear and i’m sure that i saw him (actually i dont know the gender, just guess it ‘him’ because it looks like a man). I saw a lil bit of him, but only his clothes, he wears a black robe but I can’t see his face, i only see darkness inside his robe. And you know what? It’s like he’s trying to say something for me but his voice was so slow and i can’t hear anything except his breath. At the time, I’m not shocked because I’m too tired, so I just go sleep and i just consider that it was a dream. But how can dreams became so real. I mean it feels like its real.
Sometimes, I just feel like I’m not in this world. Only my body is here, and my soul is in other place. You know i’ve never been this before. It feels like my mind is always empty and someone has control it like a robot or something like that. Do someone “santet” me? Who knows? But this is weird because I only feel this when I’m in my room. But I just feel this since a year ago. You know I grew up in this room, my childhood was here. In this room. Okay, actually i ever left this room for three years because I live with my aunt in her house, and Hey!!! I remember now, the first time I felt this is in my aunt’s house.
My grandfather’s sibling has been told my aunt and I accidently heard it that in my aunt’s house, there are 7 men wearing a robe in her house. But they are not human. Maybbe the man who was trying to say something when I’m sleeping is one of them. When I live in her house, I always have a nightmare. In my nightmare, I saw a girl who looks like “kuntilanak” but not wearing a white long dress like a general kuntilanak in the kitchen and just staring at me, but she’s not bother me. Then, okay in this case, I’m sure that this was not a dream. It was night, and it’s about 10 pm and the lights were out in the time. Actually I’m a person who is not doing care when the lights suddenly off; even it will make me sleep tight. But I dont know why in that night i suddenly woke up and i remember that I’m not woke because i want to wake up, its like someone has woke me up. And i’m so shocked when I knew that there was a little girl next to my bed and staring at me with an annoying expression. Well i dont know why there’s a lil light in my room. I was really shocked until i want to scream. But I’m too scared to scream so I just call my aunt slowly and held my neck, I’m scared that she would kill me so i held my neck :D
I really want to cry when she’s trying to ask me to go out from my room with her sign language. You know that’s because she’s not a cute little girl, i swear that her face was so annoying and naughty but she hasn’t a scary face like a ghost. She has a long straight hair; she makes two ties in her hair and wearing a cute dress. I guess that she was eight years old. I’m trying to not doing care with her so I just hide my face in the banket. I can’t saw anything except darkness and suddenly i saw a little light and open up the blanket. Hahhhh so glad the lights are finally on again. The girl? I dont know where is she but i’m sure that it wasn’t a dream. after that, i dont wanna sleep in my room, i just pretend to watching a tv when my aunt woke up and ask me why do i slept in the living room.
Well I’ve read in my friend’s book that a human cannot see a jin, so I expect that the girl is not a jin or something like that but i also read that a jin can change their form into other form for example maybe me, you, that girl. I don’t know.
After that, my feeling has begun. A weird feeling, a lazy feeling, and an empty soul feeling. Haaahhh I’m so crazy about this. And you know what? It happens once a week, sometimes once a month, and sometimes twice a month. I only feel normal when I’m in college, mosque, and other places except my auunt’s house and my room here.
FYI, I had so many weird dreams and nightmares in my life. Sometimes when I feel that it was real, I will write it on a paper or draw what I’ve seen in my dreams when I wake up. Some of them are posted in this blog some of them were lost; some of them are keep in secret.
So guys that is my story that i could share with you guys. I know you will not believe in me about my story but I swear that I had many weird feelings that always bother me in my life. Actually I’m not believe in ghost but I believe that there is other creature of God lives with us in this earth besides human. They are jins.
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